We all know the story (well, many of us do) about the French Revolution. The non-noble people of France decided they wanted their say in government, specifically by creating their own faction in the Estates-General (basically like the US Congress or Brit Parliament). The creation of that faction called the "Third Estate" (the first being of clergymen and the second of nobles) existed to demand reform for the benefit of the common people, specifically taxes, as what we would consider the working class was being taxed heavily. They challenged King Louis XVI's authority, and he was pretty fucking pissed off about it...

The year is 2024, and the current president is still the guy from The Big Lebowski, Jeff Bridges, and he forgives people like me for forgetting his name because he sometimes does, too. He and Vice President Aubrey Plaza are handling world affairs quite well. War hasn't broken out in any country for several years, all thanks to the new law passed, The Dolly Parton Act, with an astounding 95% of voter support, which required everyone in the world to pass a reading and comprehension test that proved they were indeed smarter than 5^th graders. This took all countries several terms of office to accomplish due to many generations of families refusing to deal with change and believing book learning to be for "those hoity-toity bigwigs." These individuals also didn't vote, however...

In light of last month’s election results and in anticipation of this next administration, I've decided to do something a little different for my last entry of 2024. It appears that the people have spoken, and bombast, demagoguery, and empty rhetoric have won the day. So, rather than hem and haw and wring my hands or breakdown in debilitating depression, I came to the enlightened conclusion that the strong adapt and overcome. It appears that Project 2025 is not only gonna happen but basically signed off on by a majority of the population. Since democracy has once again failed, there is not much to do on that front. But I can take note and try to push through my own ridiculous, non-data-driven action plan to Make Portland's Music Scene Great Again. Website to follow, with several high-paying positions like California Immigration Officer and Spotify Release Cycle Tracker. The budget for these salaries is yet to be determined, but I assume I can just throw insanely high numbers out there, just like the Project 2025 website, and see what sticks. Money isn't real, and everyone be lying anyway, so…when in Rome...

I'm back, fuckers! I've taken a three-month hiatus from bringing you the quality bouncer-related content you've come to count on when picking up the new Exotic issue every month, but I assure you it's been time well spent. I've made a few changes in both my living and work environments, and now that I'm all situated, it's back to the grind. I had intended to continue my philosophy series with an article about Aristotle, but that dude can wait. I'll return to philosophy eventually, but for now, something a little different...